The Beat of Your Heart
by LOTSlover
Summary: One-shot / Set right after the rift is sealed, Richard has something he wants to ask Kahlan.


**TITLE****:** The Beat of Your Heart

**AUTHOR****: **LOTSlove®

**CHARACTERS****: **Richard / Kahlan

**RATING****: **R / M

**TIMELINE****: **Anything up through S2 season finale (Tears)

**DISCLAIMER****:** I'm completely obsessed with Richard and Kahlan and love to write about them even though they cancelled my show and now I'm fighting to get it back!

**SUMMARY****: ** One-shot / set right after the rift is sealed, Richard has something he wants to ask Kahlan.

**The Beat of Your Heart**

"I can't."

"What?" he whispered, unable to find his voice.

His heart was suddenly in his throat, making it difficult to breathe. Her words stung as they hung heavily in the air, abruptly creating a great divide between them in the midst of what should have been the happiest moment of their lives.

"I can't, Richard," she firmly said, swallowing hard as she pulled her hands free from his.

Richard watched in stunned silence as Kahlan backed away from him, her bottom lip quivering as she fought to keep her face emotionless. Why was she rejecting him, pulling away from him?

Kahlan quickly pulled herself together as she distanced herself from him. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she was afraid that she'd crumble lifelessly to the ground. The question that she had ached to hear from him for so long had come and now was gone, her answer leaving them both wounded.

If only she had been in control.

The look of anguish on his face was worse than any dagger, the anger and confusion in his eyes forcing her to look away from him with more guilt than she could possibly endure. She couldn't bear to meet those brown eyes that suddenly held so much pain that had been inflicted by her.

But she deserved his anger and resentment, deserved so much worse.

"Why, Kahlan? Tell me why."

Bitterness filled his demanding voice, his body rigid with anger, his chest rising and falling with each exerted pull for air. A tear suddenly slid unbidden down his cheek. She knew that she had not just hurt him – she had devastated him.

"I just…I can't, Richard," she stated louder than she had intended to, drawing on every ounce of strength she had to do this. "You need to move on, start a new life with someone else…someone other than me."

"The only life I want is with you," he snapped, anger permeating his voice. He ran his fingers back through his hair as he fought back the urge to grab her and never let her go, his mind frantically searching for an answer that could not be found.

This was not how it was supposed to be.

He had brought Kahlan here to the cliff overlooking the beach outside the Pillars of Creation to talk to her in private. Taking her hands in his, he had gazed into those brilliant blue eyes, telling her how much he loved her, that he couldn't imagine a life apart from her. He had opened his heart, asking her to marry him, to share a life with him forever.

And she had said no.

She had rejected him.

Richard watched as she turned her back to him, her hair falling over her shoulders as she bowed her head. She had completely blindsided him, giving him an answer that he had not anticipated. He should be holding her close now, kissing her breathless, talking all night about where they wanted to be married and the life that they were going to share.

They should be removing each other's clothes right now, anxious to make love to one another.

They loved each other, something so deep and so incredible that it left him in awe of it. And the one thing that he thought that they had both wanted most was now theirs to have…forever.

Except she suddenly didn't want him.

Why didn't she want him?

Richard's head fell back, his eyes focusing on the stars shining brightly overhead as he clenched his hands tightly into fists, his fingernails biting into his palms. The tranquil sound of the waves gently crashing on the shore filled the warm night air, a breeze coming off of the ocean carrying a salty scent with it. The moon was full and bright, casting a warm glow on everything it could touch.

He couldn't have asked for a more romantic place to ask Kahlan to be his wife. It was the perfect night in every way…except for her answer.

The night sky suddenly blurred together as tears pooled in his eyes, the piercing pain in his chest where his heart had once beat nearly dropping him to his knees. He couldn't begin to comprehend having to start a new life without Kahlan.

It was unimaginable.

It was unacceptable.

"Richard, I'm going back to Aydindril," she abruptly announced, interrupting his tortured thoughts.

"I'm going with you," he heatedly declared, the clipped tone in his voice leaving no room for argument and yet it did not stop her.

"No, I don't want you with me!" she suddenly yelled, spinning on her heel to face him. "You have to find someone else to love you like you deserve, Richard!"

"You already love me more than I deserve, Kahlan!" he shouted back, his anger rising beyond his control. "I know that you love me. We can finally be together now just like we've always wanted."

"It's what you want, not what I want now," she glared, doing her best to push away the man who had stolen her heart.

Feeling her resolve begin to slip through her fingers, Kahlan swiftly walked past him to stand closer to the edge of the cliff, her gaze focused on the tide rolling in far below. She closed her eyes against the rising tears as the wind pulsated against her face. It was next to unbearable being this near to him, to breathe in his scent without touching him, but she had to remain strong.

He deserved better than her.

She owed him that much.

Richard growled under his breath, causing her to involuntarily flinch from the intensity of his frustration and hurt that was rolling off of him in waves. She loved him with every fiber of her being, loved how good his heart was and she had silenced it with her own hand. She didn't deserve his love.

His anger coursed hotly through his veins, his heart breaking faster than he could hold it together. None of this was making any sense. He had not imagined their love, had not invented something that was not there.

He hadn't imagined the passion behind her kisses, the look of mutual desire that had filled her eyes. He hadn't misunderstood the long talks spent by the fire when they had shared their souls with each other, all of the laughter and tears, the shared torment of wanting and not having.

Their love was too real, too powerful. He was not about to give up on her…on them. Not now. Not ever. Since the day he had met her, Kahlan had become his whole world. He didn't know anything apart from her, never wanted to know a life that didn't include her.

Something was causing her to reject him like this, something that he was not seeing.

Seeing.

Turning towards her, Richard immediately closed the distance between them, grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing her to look at him.

"Kahlan, you cannot lie to me," he told her, his eyes hard with determination. "Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me, that you don't want to marry me," he demanded, his voice holding a deadly calm that sent shivers racing through her.

"Richard, don't make me do this," she pleaded with him, her voice cracking against her will, tears filling her eyes as she averted her gaze.

"Something is causing you to push me away," he angrily said, tightening his hold on her as he began to shake her. "I am not letting you leave until you tell me what is wrong. Did Nicci do something to you, put another spell on you?"

"No, it's nothing that Nicci did," Kahlan shook her head as she fought to break free from his hold, but it was no use. He wasn't going to let it go…let her go. "Don't you understand? It's what I did!"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, his brow knitting together in confusion. "Talk to me, Kahlan!"

"I blinded you, Richard!" she cried, the tears beginning to escape unchecked. "I killed you with my own hands! How could you possibly love me after that? Want to marry me?"

"Kahlan, it wasn't your fault. You were confessed. There was nothing you could have done."

He was stunned by her confession and yet at the same time relieved that this absurdity was at the root of her rejection. It gave him a spark of hope that he could make her see that she wasn't to blame.

"It was my fault you died!" she yelled at him, finally breaking free from his hold. Her hands quickly found his chest, pulling his shirt open, her trembling fingers running along the smooth muscles. "I took my dagger and I stabbed you…here! I can still feel the steel of the weapon in my hand as the blade pierced your heart.

"I can still hear your voice inside my head telling me that that you loved me…that it wasn't me…but it was me! I stood over you, watching as the life drained from your body…I did nothing to save you.

"I killed you, Richard…I killed the man that I love more than life…what kind of person does that make me?" she sobbed uncontrollably, her hands balling into fists as she beat angrily against his chest. "I killed you, Richard…I killed you…"

Richard quickly grabbed her by her wrists, trapping her against him and enveloping her in his strong arms in an attempt to settle her. Tears formed in his own eyes as she struggled against him, the magnitude of her grief and her guilt tearing at his heart. He'd had no idea that she had taken all of the blame upon herself.

He thought that Kahlan had believed him earlier when he had told her that there was nothing to be sorry for. They could finally set each other free now from the prison that her magic had confined their love to. He had unlocked those chains with his love.

Now, he only needed to free her from her guilt.

"Shhh, it's alright, Kahlan," he softly said, kissing the top her head as she wept.

"No, it's not alright!" Kahlan bitterly protested, pulling back from him as she gulped in air. "You deserve someone better than me! Why would you still want me?"

"Because I love you more than anything in this world. You're my life and I want no one but you" he told her, his hands settling on either side of her neck, his thumb caressing her jaw. "It wasn't you, Kahlan. No matter what you say, no matter how much you try to fight me, you will never convince me that it was you who took my life."

"I wasn't strong enough," she spat out in self-loathing, guilt throbbing painfully with every beat of her heart. "I should have been stronger, should have fought harder against the ConDar."

"Do you need me to say that I forgive you?" he angrily growled at her in heated frustration. "Is that what you want to hear? Because I will tell you that I forgive you if that's what you need to hear in order to finally let go of this senseless guilt you're clinging to."

Kahlan's eyes fell, tears streaming down her face and dripping from her chin. "I'm relieved that you can forgive me, but I can't forgive myself, Richard. I silenced the one thing that I loved most," she replied, placing her hand gently against his heart. "Please…just let me go, Richard," she whispered one final plea.

"I can't do that, Kahlan. If you leave, you will take my heart with you and I won't survive it," he told her with a steadfastness that began to break through the wall of guilt that had encased her.

"I can't live without you either, but that didn't stop me from trying to confess you or take your life."

"Stop it, Kahlan!" he shouted at her, taking her off guard. "You know better than anyone that a confessed person must obey their Mistress. No one can break free from confession, not even you!

"Yes, you took my life, but you saved it, Kahlan. You saved us all," he said, a ghost of a smile suddenly forming on his lips as he shook his head in wonder. "Our love is so powerful that it brought you out of the ConDar. It created a new Stone of Tears and saved the world from the Keeper.

"That's how truly amazing our love is, Kahlan."

"I just…I love you so much, Richard," she whispered. "I'd rather take my own life than ever hurt you."

"I know," he murmured as he pressed his forehead against hers, his hands firmly gripping her head. "I feel the same way about you too, but leaving me isn't going to help either one of us. You would be killing me all over again. Please, Kahlan…I'd rather be in the Underworld with the Keeper than live life on earth without you."

Leaning in, he captured her lips with his keeping her from fighting him anymore, his need to be complete with her overwhelming him. He could tell that he was finally getting through to her, making her see that he never blamed her.

This was as much his fault as anyone else's. If he hadn't left Kahlan in the first place, if he hadn't lost the Stone of Tears to the boy, if he had done a thousand things differently, then Kahlan would never have been confessed by Nicci, forcing her into that confrontation with him.

But then Kahlan would have never tried to confess him. They would have never discovered that they could be together without fear.

Kahlan gradually responded to his kiss, her lips parting and allowing him to taste her. She didn't deserve his love or forgiveness and yet she couldn't deny herself what she wanted most or ignore the need for him that lived and breathed deep within her core.

"I'm so sorry, Richard," she breathed softly, her hands tenderly stroking his face. "I've hurt you so much."

"Make it up to me. Agree to marry me," he said as he fought to catch the breath she had just stolen. "Marry me, Kahlan. Be my wife, my lover, my everything…forever. Because in my heart, you already are.

"Kahlan, you do things to me that no woman has ever done. You make my heart race," he told her, taking her hand and placing it against his chest. "Feel it. It beats only for you…because of you."

Kahlan stared into his warm brown eyes, his soul reflecting there in his gaze, his heart hammering beneath the palm of her hand. It was the most precious thing in the world to her.

It had almost killed her rejecting him the first time. She knew she wouldn't be able to do it again. She also knew deep down that neither of them could survive apart from the other.

"When I finally came out of the ConDar and saw you laying there so lifeless on the ground…" she began, grief filling her voice.

"Kahlan…"

"Richard, all I wanted to do was lie down beside you and die because I knew in my heart that I couldn't live without you…I can't live without you."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes…yes, Richard," she whispered as she nodded her head, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "I would be honored to be your wife."

Gazing into his eyes, Kahlan stroked his handsome face before kissing him with all of the love that consumed her soul for him. Her heart suddenly felt lighter than it had just a moment ago, a joy like nothing she'd ever known flowing freely through her. The kiss they had shared after discovering that they could be together had been sweet and yet guilt had held her in its fierce grip.

But love truly was the most powerful form of magic, erasing all of the hurts and guilt, allowing them to share the life that they had longed for.

Richard's hands slipped up into her hair, holding her close and refusing to let her go any time soon if ever. Joy unlike anything he'd ever known flooded his heart, abolishing all the pain that had just been there.

This was the way that it was supposed to be.

His need for her was overwhelming, desperation to show her how much he loved her intensifying. He'd been aching to express it to her for over two years. And now he was free to finally show her his heart, free to give her his all.

He needed her, needed her to be his forever.

The thought of Kahlan leaving him or choosing to be with another man assaulted his mind, causing a jealous rage to suddenly erupt deep within him. The sheer intensity of it took him by surprise. He gripped her face more firmly, urgency driving his kisses as his passion flared hotly from deep within his core.

His hands slid down her front, finding the clasps of her jacket, anxious to remove everything that kept him from having every bit of her. Despite her misplaced guilt, Kahlan was his and nothing was going to come between them ever again.

Kahlan found it difficult to breathe, the feel of his lips on her throat, his hands slipping her jacket off of her making her head spin. She had ached for this for so long, dreamed of his hands and his mouth on her like this.

"Richard…" she breathed, tilting her head back and providing him even more access to her as he worked the laces of her corset, her fingers stroking along his back.

Kahlan quickly pulled his shirt free, anxious to feel his skin against hers. Pulling back, he raised his arms, allowing her to remove his shirt. The look of heated lust in his eyes sent shivers up her spine, her blood pounding through her veins in sweet anticipation.

Seeing the mutual desire reflecting in her eyes, Richard smiled softly at her. This was the way that it was supposed to be, this was love in its most passionate form being demonstrated between two hearts that were already one.

And soon their bodies would one as well.

Kneading her fingers into his back, Kahlan gasped as he raked his teeth over her skin, tingles of pleasure rippling through her. Richard tilted his head back, the feel of her fingernails on his flesh driving his need higher. He groaned as her fingers trailed down his sides to his abdominals, his heart thundering in his chest with the knowledge of what she was about to do.

Kahlan smashed her lips against his as she began to work the laces of his pants. She needed him now, needed to feel him alive and moving deeply within her. She needed to feel the love that flowed through him for her alone.

Pulling back, Richard slipped the corset from her body, his intense gaze drinking in every perfect curve. It took every ounce of strength he had not to devour her right there, but he wanted this to be perfect for her.

He tenderly stroked her cheek as he stared into her eyes. He wanted this moment to be forever seared into his memory, every exquisite detail imprinted on his heart.

Kahlan's eyes momentarily fell closed, a ragged breath slipping past her lips as his rough hands ran down her sides. She shivered as he knelt before her, his fingers reaching inside the slits of her skirt and finding her thighs.

She felt her knees grow weak as he stroked her flesh, his hands suddenly gripping her bottom as he reverentially pressed his lips to her abdomen. Her hands quickly found his hair, her fingers twisting the long strands tightly as he caressed her soft skin with the rough stubble that lined his jaw.

Richard felt that if the Keeper himself suddenly split the earth open and swallowed him whole, he'd die happy at that moment. He was here with the woman who had captured his heart, showing her what lived within his soul. The thought alone caused tears to prick his eyes.

He grasped her shorts, sliding them down her long legs, his need to feel himself buried within her warmth surging hotly through his veins. He lifted one leg to remove her boot and then the other, removing every last shred of her clothing. His fingers glided along her flesh, eliciting gasps and moans as he stopped to worship her with his mouth and his hands.

Unable to bear it any longer, Kahlan lowered herself down on her knees before him, her hands stroking along the chiseled planes of his chest. Leaning in, she kissed him deeply before leaving his mouth to trail kisses along his throat. Richard closed his eyes, his hands grabbing hold of her head as he gave himself over to her love for him.

If he didn't have her soon, he thought for certain he would die.

Standing to his feet, he removed the last of his clothes before kneeling before her once more. Sitting back on his heels, he pulled Kahlan over to straddle his lap, his lips caressing her flesh as she settled over him.

A throaty groan rumbled from deep inside of him as she tentatively positioned herself above him. Their eyes were locked on each other as he entered her, taking in every single change in her expression as she lowered herself over him. Pain that had clouded her eyes soon shifted to ecstasy as she began to move, her head tilting back as she gasped his name.

He held her close, his fingers stroking her back he rocked with her. His lips found her breasts, her back arching with indescribable pleasure as he took her into his mouth. The warm wet feel of his mouth on her was setting her body on fire, the feel of him filling her so completely overwhelming her senses.

Releasing her, he quickly sought out her mouth again, capturing her lips. He kissed her deeply, the need to taste her a deeper necessity than breathing at that moment as his hips rhythmically rose to meet her.

Her fingers dug into his shoulders as her magic rumbled deep within her, seeking a soul to steal. It suddenly swept through her like a cyclone, riding the intense waves of her climax before surging through her lover. Richard clung tightly to her trembling form as he released deep within her, her magic like a fierce wind whipping around him before disappearing just as suddenly as it had appeared.

She collapsed breathlessly against him, their bodies moist with sweat, their hearts full of love. He kissed her gently, nuzzling her nose with his before pulling her back to lie with him.

All of the things that he had ever wanted in this life had just come true. Kahlan was truly his in every way and soon she would be his wife. It caused a lump to suddenly form in his throat as he thought about what he had almost lost.

"In this life…there is nothing that I love more…than I love you, Kahlan," he breathlessly told her as he held her, his fingers stroking her back.

"I love you, Richard…more than life itself," she softly replied, curling up even closer against him, her hand resting on his chest.

Leaning down, he kissed the top of her head. She smiled softly in return, relishing the steady beat of his heart beneath the palm of her hand.

**THE END**


End file.
